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20060315 : 8:09 PM
i'm back from chiangmai! it was a school service-learning trip, and i am SO glad i went. aside from the fact that i got attacked by one of those daddylongleg-spider thingies, a cockroach went down my shirt, we got about two hours to shop in a HUGE mall, Char had to bunk with me because she could sense 'things' and she dint like what she was sensing on the top bunk, the kids weren't as friendly as before -so claims Shumei-, and our accomodation was one-star, everything else was fine. ok so sorry for sounding like such a whiny complainy pampered Singaporean teen. but honestly? we had a lot of fun overall. i made some new great friends, like Joshua Lim [finally got to know him and he's great at cracking deadpan jokes] Weijie [still doesn't have the counsellor face XP] Michelle [speed queen!] Aaron [speed mickey and really funny guy], Shumei [knew her when i was sec1 but never really talked], Pakkee [HRH] Nirma [really nice even though she's in charge of discpline] Laura [always thought she was quiet but she turned out to be a really cool punk drummer who's into Good Charlotte and Green Day] Lanz [the head counsellor! nice guy] Darren Sam [the guy that *** has a thing for! likes to act cool by wearing his sunglasses but admittedly he does look cool] so there we were this whole bunch just going nuts about the Desperate Mommas [a bunch of American volunteers who look as though they were raised on Mcd] and raving and crapping about. of course, there were the notsonice parts as well, like how Miss N flipped and we all felt so guilty. well i hoped all of us felt guilty. and there was of course unlovable hatable Vneck, who was practically tone-deaf and insisted on singing for the poor children. [i hope they receive therapy for the trauma] evil of me, but she honestly does have an overinflated ego, if you ask me. she was totally sticking with Argentina's gang, behaving absolutely thickskinned and really just making everyone else hate her. but i never knew Char could sense stuff like those. it's like one of those detectors. pretty cool to have around if you don't wanna have any.. sightings. you know what i mean. Char was really nice during the whole trip, being my sortof consultant/advisor/good friend, and totally sticking it through, even when i was behaving like such a prat brat sometimes. *smile smile grin grin* i think i really benefitted from this trip. if not i wouldn't have known how guilty i was of splurging and lying after seeing all those kids, and really feeling remorse. and of course, spending a week with people who became really cool friends. i think i have a new persepctive of people now. if i've learnt anything, it's this: appearance CAN be deceiving. and not just in a good way. Smei mentioned that she couldn't stand certain people in Argentina's gang because they were acting in front of her. like going all girly gaga in front of Chai [this painfully shy guy from CCOF] and other guys. she says she can't stand that crap. me, well, i don't know. i guess it can be kinda cruel leading people on like that. i am such a hypocrite. why do i always conform with other people's views instead of adhering to my own?? when people say something, i agree. when other people say something different, i also agree. why am i so spineless? why can't i stand by my views? but.. i think i know the answer to that. it's because i am afraid. that fear.. that won't go away. i'm so afraid of losing anyone.. losing friends.. losing friendship.. again. even though i know what happened to me wasn't true friendship and i was just being used, i can't ever feel the same again. i'm living in constant fear everyday, wondering if tomorrow someone will backstab me. wondering if i will accidentally betray someone and cause everyone else to turn against me. wondering if people hate me.. again.. i'm just so insecure.. it's all happening again and i can't stop it. someone please.. help me. |
the round one.
Just your average human specimen wanting to be something more. Also has an absurd fondness for potatoes and shoes, among other things.
what i want.
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