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20060915 : 5:17 PM
today was the chem paper, suprisingly easy, as compared to the midyears. *suspicious* ah well, it's over, HECK. i loved the weather today, there was a brilliant thunderstorm which lsted for about 3 hours. i don't know why, but i just love rainy days. it's so soothing to sit at home in a dark corner listening to the rain fall, and be swept away.. i love the moment before the storm breaks though. that's the best thing ever. breathing in a scent of distant rain hitting the soil, gray clouds hovering overhead, a murky canvas. right now i'm addicted to trinity blood's ending song, broken wings. i find the lyrics very nolstagic and striking, for some reason. *big sigh* now for some random crap: i don't know why, but i seem to be caught up in a strong wave of nolstagia and deep sadness that i can't get rid of. though i smile and behave like normal in school and at home, inside i feel like there's something which isn't right. there seems to be something important i've overlooked.. the sadness which fills me isn't stabbing or hurtful, it's just this gray presence which is simply.. there. along with the nolstagia, regret that i should live my life this way. i don't really know the cause for these feelings, they were simply there. when i look at the others, nagging doubts and secret fears tug at the locked door, begging to be set free and unleash the agony. and no matter how hard i grip the key in my hand, the doorknob rattles. i never want it to open. on to other happier and naiive stuff: i've almost finished trinity blood! whoo! now waiting for Finchan to give me the last 4 eps.. can't find it on youtube so.. *crys* i'm so relieved to see that Graceygummy seems to be better. there was a while when she was looking a bit gloomy, so i got a bit worried.. heh. i'm always fussing and worrying over nothing aren't i. and the procrastination begins once again.. i don't know why but i'm not motivated to study at all. [have i mentioned this? gahh me and my shortterm memory] i feel like there's something more to this than prelims.. more than exams.. somewhere out there in the world. but i guess the Os are just another ravine i hafta cross eh. i know my parents' expectations seem to be pretty high for me, since i've always been getting somewhat good grades in prisch. no boasting there, it's just a simple fact. not that i'm particularly proud of it. but a thought keeps whispering to me: what if i don't make it? well it's just a matter of whether i believe in myself or not i guess. tutorK has left -well i dint really need her that much anyway and plus i can sleep late on Sun now!- and i dunt wanna dash my parents' hopes. they dunt say it but it's there, gathering above my head. my Da still kinda nags but as long as i show some proof that i am studying -which, most of the time i'm not- he's cool. Ma's about the same, only she doesn't even nag anymore. she thinks i know what i'm doing. i think i know what i'm doing.. i think. hope. guess. but i dunt even know where the hell i'm headed.. a oneway street and i have no idea if it's a deadend. well, i gotta try anyway, so wish me luck, whoever reads this. argh i can't believe i wrote so much angsty crap. "I know this will not remain forever However it's beautiful Your eyes, hands and your warm smile They're my treasure It's hard to forget I wish there was a solution Don't spend your time in confusion I will turn back now and spread My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind Higher and higher in the light My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind Across the sky, just keep on flying Did I ever chain you down to my heart 'Cause I was never afraid of you? No,I couldn't hold you any longer Love is not a toy Let go of me now The time we spend is perpetual Our future is not real I'll leap into the air.." |
the round one.
Just your average human specimen wanting to be something more. Also has an absurd fondness for potatoes and shoes, among other things.
what i want.
(these are clickable nudge nudge)bicycle!!!1! PLAYSTATION3 tv/HD screen for PS3 POP OP figures sutadora figure ps1 (not the console) 幸せ / きらめき / 自由 AMAZON WISHLIST html ref from dougnutcrazy |