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20060927 : 4:43 PM
the emotional rollercoaster i rode today first feeling, mellowish; *screams* we got back our prelim results today!! *screams some more* the grades so far: emads- B3 biology- B4 art- A2 [so Derrick says?] social studies- B3 amads- F9 [??!!] so yeah there's an overall balance in the grades so far, i'm kinda disappointed with emads, was actually hoping for an A2. ah well. i just gotttya work a bit harder! amads was expected i guess. XP i'm such a hopelessly improportionate person.. second feeling, high; goshknowswhy, but we were superhigh after school. [must be because we spent like the entire day in the hall with narry a chair nor table eh..] so we were poking each other and basically crapping around. totally random feeling here. third feeling, upset+disappointment; i don't know why, but i just kinda slipped into a deep melancholy on the bus. it always happens when i'm alone on the bus. but this time it was because of.. well. isn't it funny how when we ask her out, she's never [supposedly] allowed out, but when the other person asks her she's suddenly able to? what happened to that [supposed] curfew? are we in that bad of a light to her mother? or is it because she simply doesn't want to hang with us? i can't help feeling hurt and alone.. ah shoot. i musn't dwell on these sort of stuff which probably mean nothing to the others. fourth feeling, irritation; someone get that DA off my back please. fifth feeling, some warm fuzzy thing i can't describe in a single word; Victoriia gave me a free sample of the Naruto doujinshi she was gonnya market at EOY, awwww. and it's so kawaii, Sasuke-kun ne~~ *hearts*
20060924 : 8:31 PM
*crys* I CAN'T BELIEVE OURAN IS STOPPING AT EPISODE 26!! but then again, episode 25 was pretty saad.. :( *kicks tamaki* *microwaves eclaire* strangely enough, it doesn't feel like the Os are approaching at all. it's the end of prelims, and we've got about a month left, but surprisingly no one's panicking. [yet] ah well. guess i'm the take-it-as-it-comes kind of person. GAHH why does DA have to keep pestering me with his sms angst??! i really feel like telling him to take his handphone and shove it up his *beep*. big deal if you don't like those gambling relatives at funerals, what the hell are you angsting all those crap to me for? it's not like i'm interested. i swear, if it weren't for the money he promised to pay me for Rave, i wouldn't bother to listen to his bullshit. freaking get a LIFE can't you. and everytime i ask him about the moolah, some relative of his conveniently ends up in hospital. how predictable. if you don't want to pay, then say so, LOSER. he keeps dropping hints about his supposed crush on me, and i'm like WTF in the background while i play dumb and hope that if i keep up the bimbotic act he'll give up. what's the point of telling me you broke up with a girl because she dint like you funeral angst? [who the hell does?] is that supposed to make me feel jealous or what? because seriously, i don't really care. 'sides, you're wasting my smses. my Da's gonnya flip. yayy. i think once he hands over the blingbling, i'm just gonnya tell him to shut his trap and freaking get a shrink. BAH. Finchan and I are thinking of getting new wigs, but that means we'll probably have to cut and style it ourselves. a bit troublesome, not to mention extra charges.. *big sigh* i'm about 100 short of my goal.. gottya keep on saving! don't give in to temptation! you can do it! i hope.. ~
20060917 : 7:07 PM
it is so amazing how accustomed we get, how we take for granted, the natural way material things play their role in our lives. for example, even as i sit here now typing, listening to my music on the speakers, i can't possibly imagine how empty and desolate the music in my life was without the bass. same as when now i have finally come to see how my poor comatose nano had such an important position in my life, being my barrier to shut out reality on those long and lonely bus rides. when i look at the room i'm studying; the air-conditioner ready to blast cool air at the touch of a remote, the notebook sitting so matter-of-factly on my table, the wall cabinets my Da installed simply because i asked.. all these things seemed to have come so naturally and so deservingly. but when i open the shutters and gaze out, feeling the cold wind howl into my face, i feel a strong sense of guilt gnawing at me, a despairing nolstagia tearing at my soul. i have a lot to thank my parents and my friends for, i realize. the warm home they give me, the unwavering support they raise, the matter-of-fact reassuring i'll-be-there-for-you smiles the flash in moments of uncertainty.. it makes me want to cry in agonizing bliss. how blessed can we be, to live in a modern society, with the latest technology at our fingertips, and yet, it seems like the most important thing is always out of our reach. we may have the key in our hands, but can we find the keyhole?
20060915 : 5:17 PM
today was the chem paper, suprisingly easy, as compared to the midyears. *suspicious* ah well, it's over, HECK. i loved the weather today, there was a brilliant thunderstorm which lsted for about 3 hours. i don't know why, but i just love rainy days. it's so soothing to sit at home in a dark corner listening to the rain fall, and be swept away.. i love the moment before the storm breaks though. that's the best thing ever. breathing in a scent of distant rain hitting the soil, gray clouds hovering overhead, a murky canvas. right now i'm addicted to trinity blood's ending song, broken wings. i find the lyrics very nolstagic and striking, for some reason. *big sigh* now for some random crap: i don't know why, but i seem to be caught up in a strong wave of nolstagia and deep sadness that i can't get rid of. though i smile and behave like normal in school and at home, inside i feel like there's something which isn't right. there seems to be something important i've overlooked.. the sadness which fills me isn't stabbing or hurtful, it's just this gray presence which is simply.. there. along with the nolstagia, regret that i should live my life this way. i don't really know the cause for these feelings, they were simply there. when i look at the others, nagging doubts and secret fears tug at the locked door, begging to be set free and unleash the agony. and no matter how hard i grip the key in my hand, the doorknob rattles. i never want it to open. on to other happier and naiive stuff: i've almost finished trinity blood! whoo! now waiting for Finchan to give me the last 4 eps.. can't find it on youtube so.. *crys* i'm so relieved to see that Graceygummy seems to be better. there was a while when she was looking a bit gloomy, so i got a bit worried.. heh. i'm always fussing and worrying over nothing aren't i. and the procrastination begins once again.. i don't know why but i'm not motivated to study at all. [have i mentioned this? gahh me and my shortterm memory] i feel like there's something more to this than prelims.. more than exams.. somewhere out there in the world. but i guess the Os are just another ravine i hafta cross eh. i know my parents' expectations seem to be pretty high for me, since i've always been getting somewhat good grades in prisch. no boasting there, it's just a simple fact. not that i'm particularly proud of it. but a thought keeps whispering to me: what if i don't make it? well it's just a matter of whether i believe in myself or not i guess. tutorK has left -well i dint really need her that much anyway and plus i can sleep late on Sun now!- and i dunt wanna dash my parents' hopes. they dunt say it but it's there, gathering above my head. my Da still kinda nags but as long as i show some proof that i am studying -which, most of the time i'm not- he's cool. Ma's about the same, only she doesn't even nag anymore. she thinks i know what i'm doing. i think i know what i'm doing.. i think. hope. guess. but i dunt even know where the hell i'm headed.. a oneway street and i have no idea if it's a deadend. well, i gotta try anyway, so wish me luck, whoever reads this. argh i can't believe i wrote so much angsty crap. "I know this will not remain forever However it's beautiful Your eyes, hands and your warm smile They're my treasure It's hard to forget I wish there was a solution Don't spend your time in confusion I will turn back now and spread My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind Higher and higher in the light My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with My broken wings How far should I go drifting in the wind Across the sky, just keep on flying Did I ever chain you down to my heart 'Cause I was never afraid of you? No,I couldn't hold you any longer Love is not a toy Let go of me now The time we spend is perpetual Our future is not real I'll leap into the air.."
20060911 : 10:30 PM
dear lord: please help my Da. he needs your guidance [and a little patience] things haven't been working out so well between him and Gran recently; you should have witnessed all the rows they've had. please help my Da and my Gran to understand each other and work out their differences. please help them breach the communication gap. thank you.
: 8:02 PM
i spoke to jermy a few days ago online, turns out he's landed safely in Minneseota -duh- did i spell that right? oh well, anyway, we chatted for a bit, turns out the weather over there is pretty cool [how can you possibly call 22d cool?!] and he's one of the shortest and the youngest in his class [yes i guessed right about the height!! XD] and apparently there aren't any "normal" Asians in his class - meaning that every other Asian dude there is gay, emo or punk[?] wondering if he's trying to say that he's normal.. XD it's the first day of prelims today, pretty hyped up! it's Geog elective tomorrow and i'm supposed to be preparing [so what am i sitting here blogging? *shrugs*] it was Social Studies and Emads 1 today, pretty breezy for me. *grin* not that i'm boasting or anything, i never really took either subject seriously. *withers under death glares from other people* we received our Practical schedules today, and i'm seriously ERGH. why does Art have to clash with a paper ALL the time? this is annoying.. my Nano is like comatose officially. i don't really wanna bring it to Apple and get charged a bomb for it, might as well buy a new one, so says my Da. [YES! i scream silently] rest in peace, my poor dear Nano with it's pathetic battery life. shucks i'm too sardonic.
20060907 : 9:26 PM
i'm getting really worried. not about the dangerously approaching prelims, but about Da's temper. there was a huge row between him and BakaBee approx. 24 hours ago, regarding the house furnishings. i personally don't have anything against the interior, it IS home to me. but apparently BakaBee had to go bringing up the issue after spending what must have been a wondrous day at her friend's undoubtedly splendidly interior-designed home. big mistake, because once she started comparing theirs to ours, Da reached his boiling point and they began screaming at each other. well actually once he starts no one can actually defend themselves because he would be bellowing at the top of his voice and he really sounds menacing. well, but he has this nasty habit which i absolutely hate, which is that he tends to blow things out of proportion and insist that he's right. i mean, everyone's entitled to their own opinion right? even if you feel they're wrong, there really isn't any need to go yelling at people trying to get them to admit their errors, when they don't feel that there is anything wrong. and when BakaBee and her impulsive mouth tried to defend herself and correct him, he always goes AND NOW YOU TRY TO DEFEND BACK? uh, like people are supposed to stand there quietly and receive your unreasonable shouting without defending themselves? DUH NO. he was just conversing with Gran over the phone, and it seems like converse is the wrong word here. it's a one-way street, with Da sirens blaring. it's the financial issue again, seems like Gran wants to take out the moolah from the bank for whatever reason and Da is against it and he's dead set that it's Aunt Judy behind it. so everytime Da and Gran meet, they're either spitting fire at each other or throwing ice. one time, Gran got so upset she couldn't eat and felt nauseous. to Da: i mean, respect is one thing, but reason is another. it's not like BakaBee doesn't respect you, she's just voicing her opinions. what's wrong with that? it's not like yelling at the top of your voice will get people to see your point of view. if she thinks the house is not as good as her friend's, then try to see why she thinks that way and explain why she can't expect the house to be as nicely furnished as others. if you shout like that, others will get pissed off as well and neither party can back off. if the tuition teacher comments on the house, who gives a damn? her job isn't to criticize the house, but to give tuition. why the hell should you care about her view? the only thing that matters is whether she can provide good education. and besides, she certainly dint say anything about the house to me. why the heck didja have to drag me in for? it's not like we sit there for an hours discussing the finer points of the house. i DO know and understand how hard you and ObaMa works, how much effort you put in. i'm no blind, deaf and dumb you know. i can hear you yelling over the phone to those furniture manufacturers and whonot, and i know how much stress you face sometimes at work when things don't go as planned. but it doesn't give you any right to take out your stress and anger on us. you may protest and say you're not, but thing is, you give us that vibe when you start lecturing. what's the deal on that? it's not like we don't know what we're doing -ok, from my observations maybe Bakabee doesn't- but at least, i do. do you know what i wanna do in the future? do you know what's my ambition? you never asked. and you come barging in and expect us to take your barrage of unreasonable accusations nicely? i don't understand how come ObaMa can just soothe my feelings and motivate me to strive because of one gentle kiss/hug/smile/sentence, and your angry words just make me wanna throw something. it's probably unfair of me to compare you and ObaMa, but with you, the atmosphere is just uncomfortable and alienating. i never know when you're going to start lecturing -especially in the car, which is why i hate accepting lifts from you. this is my honest opinion here. even though i've never met Grandad, from what i've heard, you're turning out just like him. shouting at anyone doesn't exactly make you a very likeable person you know. even though you may apologize for raising your voice later and hugging and stuff, it doesn't change the fact that you hurt people with your words. and your words, regardless of whether you mean them or not, are extremely cruel and painful. "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS HOUSE, YOU CAN BOTH GET OUT THE DOOR IS OPEN ANYTIME!" whassup with that? i never said anything about the house. sure, i envy the beautiful interior designs that others sometimes have, but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate my home. don't you know that your words stab my heart and leave unseen scars? they say that children who are brought up in a certain way will bring up their future children in the same way. if i ever have my children, i hope never to lecture them and use harsh words on them. to BakaBee: please, stop shooting your mouth off so rashly! since you know what Da's temperament is like, stop doing such foolish things and tolerate with it for now. right now, you're in a position where you cannot reason with him maturely yet, and you cannot see with an adult's perspective as yet. please, use your brain matter and wait until you grow up a little bit more before actually coming up with these sort of harebrained suggestions. i have so had enough of ranting behind both your backs. *big sigh* i feel really burdened and saddened by all these.. even though i pretend that it is none of my business, i can't help but worry in the shadows. i think i'm going to throw myself into the studies and anticipate the day when i can burn all my books to hell.
20060906 : 8:19 PM
today is the day when i submit my final piece for mangaka06! wish me luck! i really really hope i can win 1st/2nd because i want to prove that i'm not totally useless, that i can do something and be good at it for a change instead of always being so klutzy. [plus, Xbox and Nitendo are also quite irresistable ne~] prelims are in 5 days time! *screams and jumps up and down hysterically* i can't believe i'm rotting away here. GET MOTIVATED DUDETTE!!
20060901 : 10:45 AM
seems like i'm almost always 1 day behind in updating arent i.. anyway HAPPY TEACHERS DAY! yesterday i popped back to the old school to see the teachers -whoever's left- and the old people -whoever came-. it was pretty pathetic though, because as usual, the guys were acting cool [but not cool] and going all antisocial on the girls, while the girls -very few- stood around talking and reminiscing. but it was quite amazing how people can change over like, 4 years. Roy looks different with the hairspike, Weijian looks a bit more -er- i dunt know, stuck up? well he kinda looks the same. Andy looks different minus the specs + prischhairstyle, Sujesh looks kind of the same, Nic Foo still looks sleepy [XD], Terrence still looks about the same, Jarrel still looks about the same, Darren still looks about the same, and Wai Sum -faints- looks completely different with his emo-ish specs and new haircut. oh and i have i mentioned they're ALL TALLER THAN ME?! unfair. *sob* but it was really fun catching up with Ducky, Su Hong and Jane. we crossed to Yoshinoya and ate while talking about our curent interests, and it turns out they've all watched Goong, Devil Beside You, My Girl, and many other kdramas!! [X3] kkyyaaaa it was really fun. *fades into dreamy mode* |
the round one.
Just your average human specimen wanting to be something more. Also has an absurd fondness for potatoes and shoes, among other things.
what i want.
(these are clickable nudge nudge)bicycle!!!1! PLAYSTATION3 tv/HD screen for PS3 POP OP figures sutadora figure ps1 (not the console) 幸せ / きらめき / 自由 AMAZON WISHLIST html ref from dougnutcrazy |