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20070926 : 10:46 AM
oh yeah, almost forgot to add, i finally got my results for the 1st semester. didn't do as bad as i thought i would, but it wasn't anything great either. *slumps* after that, i really got shaken up. i didn't want to repeat another semester or module, but the way things are going, i keep having this paranoid thought that; what if i did? what if i got left behind? it would be utterly unbearable for me. cooped up at home all day, i've been doing lotsa thinking. people might call it spacing out, but i call it thinking. XD thinking about stuff like; what is it i really want? what am i doing right now? where do i go from here? is this a dead end? i want something from this, but what is it? i need to feel accomplished somehow, but the feeling isn't there. i'm pretty much the sort of person who seriously needs to be ordered something to do, else i'd just wander around like a zombie and that said, i think we're growing further apart. is this normal during the adolescent teenage years? since i was young, i don't recall ever needing to tell my parents anything about my private thoughts besides what was neccessary, and i'd always taken for granted that they understood what i was on about without my needing to spell it out. but right now, my mind's getting pretty messed up and i'm getting pretty unpredictable. maybe they're afraid i'll get into bad company or summat, i don't know. but right now, this huge gap is the furthest i've ever felt from them. needless to say, because i didn't say anything, because i didn't indicate how i felt about stuff, they simply assumed it was because of whatnot, and that led to a lot of misunderstandings and.. lectures. *sigh* so it all boils down to because i did not say what was needed to be spoken, it led to their increasing worries, even led to threats that i'd get signed out of Poxyclass. D: i know SD advised me to tell them something, just for the time being, to reassure them that i wasn't doing anything stupid, but what do i say? i don't even know that. i don't know how to bring up the subject, i don't even know what the subject is! how do i make it clear to them that i know what i'm doing, that i haven't "got [my] priorities mixed up", that there isn't any need to "crop [my goddamn] hair"? i'm hoping for a sign that'll tell me what to do, what to say. really. for now, i'm just going to.. see what happens i guess. |
the round one.
Just your average human specimen wanting to be something more. Also has an absurd fondness for potatoes and shoes, among other things.
what i want.
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