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20121008 : 3:49 PM
as a person generally used to doing my stuff in peaceful solitude without being distracted and people hovering, i've always found it difficult to focus or relax with others around, which results in me usually being moody or generally unresponsive. i don't like the feeling of being crowded in or letting people know what i'm doing at every second. the reason why i drive so much isn't really because i like driving, not that much anyways. sure it's fun and all behind the wheel [control freak tendencies alert] but it's also one of the rare times i get to be truly alone with my thoughts. personal space becomes a rarity when i'm here and it gets frustrating sometimes when i just want to have some me time and there's nowhere for it. the lack of common sense i see in people is baffling. not saying that i've got a really good head myself, but when some things are so glaringly obvious and yet people don't notice them or realize the implications is just- just so absurd, occasionally to the brink of idiocy. is it just me who notices these things and being all micro-managerial, or does it genuinely not occur to them? i think i've brought this up before and it's gotten to the point where i actually feel contemptuous when i see people without the ability to discern and decide for themselves. "they forget" "they don't know" "you should help them out if you know how" excuses. mind, this isn't in the context of textbooks problems. i'm referring to things that can be solved if one would actually pause to think about it. i hate when i'm expected to be the bigger person, the better person, the nicer person. i'm none of those. if you don't learn to clean up after your own shit and procrastinate or depend on others, you'll find yourself wallowing in a cesspool. out of mind does not equal out of sight. i used to be like that until i realized that it was leading to the cultivation of some really unpleasant habits. i want to get somewhere and i refuse to be dragged down by anyone. relying on your own is sometimes better than relying on anyone. i've found that placing expectations on anyone i don't fully trust is just going to result in disappointment. if i know that i can do it better, then why shouldn't i do it for my own satisfaction? you can call it OCD or having a complex or being perfectionist or whatever, but it just means that i only trust myself to handle it. small things multiply into big things, and big things will only add to the pressure until i finally explode. i don't want that to happen and i'm trying really hard, but occasionally i have the urge to give up when it seems like i'm the only one struggling out of the mess i see while everyone else is comfortable with it. |
the round one.
Just your average human specimen wanting to be something more. Also has an absurd fondness for potatoes and shoes, among other things.
what i want.
(these are clickable nudge nudge)bicycle!!!1! PLAYSTATION3 tv/HD screen for PS3 POP OP figures sutadora figure ps1 (not the console) 幸せ / きらめき / 自由 AMAZON WISHLIST html ref from dougnutcrazy |