Kook!ed

566

2012-01-30T04:51:00.002+08:00

the sun.
the pool sparkles.
it's that rainbow one i never wore.
we have a beautiful german shepherd - Paris.
they drive off.
i find out that it'll be a thousand dollars to cut his fur.
i cry, i can't afford it and he'll die.
the dream ends.

565

2012-01-26T12:05:00.000+08:00

it's the lunar new year. i scroll through Facebook albums of my family and friends celebrating, half-wishing i was there with them.
not that i'm not enjoying myself here.. i've gotten accustomed to the idea of having two homes. it's actually pretty conducive to be away, so i can actually focus on school and art and not have to spend that time on other distractions, because here there's really nothing else i can do.

i had a dream last night - or rather, a series of dreams..? it's fading from my conscious memory even as i type, but i try to remember as much of it as i can. i dreamt i was visiting my kin, and they were all together in a huge apartment. it was wonderfully nostalgic for me.. and then i was opening a door to a fair, and there were childhood classmates present. i was having fun and running up a flight of stairs and i run into a person.. in this dream i knew this person, i feel like i've known all my life. we get on a bus, and i see two people on a motorcycle speeding ahead of the bus, and driving off into the horizon ahead. i watch this, and i feel strangely sad.
i wake up still with that sad twinge inside.
how do you dream of someone you've never met and yet you feel like you know them?
it's a very aching, haunting feeling. you wake up, searching for them, but you know they're not there. they don't exist, maybe not yet to you, maybe never in this life.

564

2012-01-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

resolutions of a sort i suppose.

- PAINT/DRAW MORE. procrastinate less.
- try to stay in contact with my friends as often as i can.
- get more guts to say/do what i really want inside.
- sort out the really important things in my life and make sure i stay focused on them.

563

2012-01-04T16:40:00.001+08:00

a familiar bird calls outside.
i've always heard that bird when i was at home, whether in the new house or the old.
the place is bathed in sunlight and soaked in shade.
the wind passes through, rattling the windows, tickling my feet.
the tiles are shiny and cool and clean - testimony to my mother's housekeeping skills.
i listen to the quiet breathing of the house.
missing home has never been a heavier feeling than now, when i am sitting alone.
alone does not equate to loneliness, because i love being by myself at times like these.
i want to remember this feeling as much as i can.
the calm.
the dining table - i am going to miss having a dining table.
the chairs we picked out.
picture frames on the wall, carefully arranged.
the fan blades spinning lazily overhead.
blue skies with huge clouds just outside the window.
blinding sunlight.
fresh laundry.
i sigh, and the house sighs with me.

562

2012-01-01T20:58:00.001+08:00

last night was pretty awesome. most of it was a blur - i expect you'd know why - but i feel like i was left with some good feelings about it at least.

to people that i may have contacted during this time, please just ignore anything and everything i said. i was looking through my phone records and i'm amazed at the coherence with which i managed to actually call/msg/tweet/instagram with. i do vaguely remember doing all that, i just didn't realize that it was all non-gibberish.

stuff happened, i apparently get very emotional when i'm totally gone, and i'm glad i had my friends there with me.. don't know what i would do without them.

2011 was half and half i guess. the first half of the year kinda sucked, stuck doing some dreary stuff with some -or just one- screwed up she-boss and pretty much wallowing in procrastination for a while. the second half got better in a sense, i managed to lift off and finally start heading in a direction i wanted - not without sacrifices of familiarity and comfort zones.. then again that's part and parcel of life. i know i'll adapt - i am adapting - but it still gets lonely sometimes. guess i'll manage like i always have.

here's to another great year ahead, guys.

561

2011-12-27T18:41:00.001+08:00

epic christmas party at my place. i felt claustrophobic for the first time in my house.. never seen so many people in here before. food was awesome, or at least i hoped it was. i didn't actually get to eat a lot, was somehow being pulled here and there doing stuff. owell :c

I WANT TO EAT

~~LAKSA~~ ~~CHICKEN RICE~~ ~~BA KUT TEH~~ RAMEN ~~KWAY CHAP~~ HOKKIEN MEE FRIED CARROT CAKE DIM SUM WAGYU STEAK ~~BEANCURD~~ ~~ROTI PRATA~~ ~~CURRY FISH HEAD~~ DUCK RICE CURRY CHICKEN MEE JAPANESE PASTA SATAY BEEF RENDANG TAHU TELUR ~~YONG TAU FOO~~ PORK PORRIDGE EGG FRIED RICE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE

560

2011-12-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people i love are fighting.
the atmosphere just goes totally sour and you feel completely awkward and guilty even though you don't have anything to do with it.

human beings are selfish people.
we cannot ever be completely, genuinely selfless.
we are hurt and in turn hurt others. we want to get close to each other, but in doing so receiving and inflicting pain is inevitable. the hedgehog theory.
we have flawed personalities, personal issues, mistakes, skewed judgement..
we look uncool. the hard part is getting over that and accepting that that's part of being human, and accepting that about ourselves and others. we're all going to be hypocrites in some ways, so we shouldn't be so quick to judge others when we are guilty of the same thing. i hope they see that soon.. i hope we all can realize that and become better people.

559

2011-12-02T15:54:00.001+08:00

i suddenly remembered something that a couple of family friends said when we met them for dim sum a few weeks back - my dad had apparently told them he wasn't as fearful about my studies as he was about me getting an american boyfriend or something.

i can't even imagine that happening but oh dad bwahahahaha

also, it's December! gosh time flies way too fast.. i'm feeling festive already, and it's just 2 more weeks til school's out!

558

2011-11-19T08:24:00.001+08:00

so close to cussing right now.

i don't even know if i'm angry at her, or just upset that i have to take the rap for something that i didn't do. most people would be like, "why are you so stupid?" well in the first place, we all thought it would help some. turns out it didn't, and i got the worst of it. lucky me. i'm just furious that i had to cover for someone, and in the end they walk away unscathed while i have to take the (long-term) punishment.. even if it was a friend, there's only so far you can go for them, isn't there?

i might be less mad about it all if she said or tried to do something to help clean this shit up but nope. nothing. not even an apology for the deprivation i'll be receiving. the only person who tried to improve the situation was Mel, going through this crap together even though she doesn't have to. thank you, Mel.

it might seem like i'm dramatizing, but no i don't think i am. i am seriously very annoyed about this, and this irritation isn't dissipating anytime soon.

the feeling that things are going smoothly, then boom you trip over a rock and you can't get up for a year.

but whatever, i'll just believe that things will turn around. they always do, somehow.

557

2011-11-14T02:10:00.001+08:00

you know how when you hear certain songs, they trigger certain memories?

like whenever i hear the track Cursed Shinshuu Plains from Okami, i feel really sad, and i think about my old home and stuff for some reason. or when Besaid Island from FFX comes on, and i somehow think about long bus rides home from sec sch on sunny days and imagery of blue skies with huge white clouds enter my head.

i don't think it's a coincidence that about half of my Top Rated songs in iTunes are songs that make me think about stuff.

also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM :D

556

2011-11-13T10:04:00.001+08:00

here is my mother and i Skyping each other with Rilakkumas hurhurhur

yes silly i know hehehe

555

2011-11-06T14:36:00.001+08:00

554

2011-11-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

we recently made a purchase - an investment, if you will.

thing is, i didn't really tell the parental unit about it before the buying. i know that was wrong of me, since it's not really my money to spend if the sum in question is substantial and i should have asked them about it. the subject was mentioned briefly before, and i vaguely understand their general view on it. as the person who is living here, i have to disagree with their opinion.
they'll find out eventually, since they have access to my account.. but i hope they'll be able to forgive and accept this as one of the first major decisions i'm making, based on my own judgement.

please understand. i want to be as responsible and mature as you want me to be.

553

2011-10-28T05:22:00.001+08:00

HOW IS EVERYONE DOING!!!

i can't believe how quickly time is passing, it's already approaching the end of October! 2011 will be over soon, oh wow. October was filled with midterms, birthdays of three very important people in my life, and Halloween! people around here are definitely more enthusiastic about Halloween, hahaha. the short one and i will be dressing up too! .. kind of, i guess, since we're starving art students on a budget.

we're adapting really well here, or at least i think i am, for the most part. it wasn't as difficult as imagined. not much of extreme cultural boundaries, despite that we're an asian asian minority. no "OH GOD WHAT IS THIS PLACE I CAN'T FIT IN AT ALL PEOPLE GIVE ME WEIRD LOOKS I STICK OUT SO BAD" kind of thing going on. CA's pretty chill, and we have no problem with that at all. it's a refreshing change from the pressure cooker that is SG.

if i had to make a complaint, it'd definitely be about the lack of good asian food here. :c seriously, SG is still unbeatable in terms of makan diversity. practicing culinary abilities so we won't forget what home tastes like, or at least a mediocre imitation of it hahaha

552

2011-10-02T16:35:00.001+08:00

i guess this kinda sums up the end of September and the start of October.

we were driving back on the freeway when we saw fireworks! coming up from Disneyland, every night. that's it, i'm dead set on celebrating my next birthday there. *O*

551

2011-09-24T14:02:00.000+08:00

times like these, when i'm on the verge of falling ill, that i really miss my mom the most.

550

2011-09-12T22:51:00.003+08:00

so it's been 3 weeks going on 4 that i've been here. school's getting exciting, homework's starting to take up the previously immense amount of spare time i had and that's a good thing i suppose. people are friendly here, although i think i still get stares for being asian [asian asians are a very rare species here] but whatever. i just miss my friends and singaporean food.

549

2011-08-29T14:29:00.002+08:00

the first night in a new place without my da. school starts tomorrow. crossing my fingers, wish me luck that i won't get eaten alive.

548

2011-08-14T02:10:00.002+08:00

the morning after dark, and it feels like i'm still halfway in a dream, my mind operating in autopilot mode for most of the day. cue vacant expressions and spacing out.

in other news, pressure is piling up. i guess it's the good type of stress to have, to know that i have obligations and responsibilities to fulfill. it's not all fun and laughter, not when you know how much is being sacrificed.

i have to prove that this is worth it.

547

2011-08-11T01:30:00.002+08:00

been catching up on old and recent movies to feed my growing boredom [and procrastination! oh noes].

watched Hachiko: A Dog's Story and cried buckets. buckets, i tell you. my sister thought i was coming down with a cold because she kept hearing me sniff and blow my nose.
this is why i refuse to watch tragedies. (;^;)

still quietly laughing at someone's unusually neat and legible handwriting.. i don't mean it in a bad way of course, i compared to mine, which is atrocious. 3 years of being on photoshop robs you of penmanship skills.

546

2011-08-06T22:19:00.004+08:00

overwhelmingly disappointed
with myself, for not producing results. there were expectations, and i can't forgive myself for not meeting them. there is a sense of crushing failure inside, and i'm trying my best not to lose myself in it, like i did the last time.

overwhelmingly thankful
for my parents and friends, who remain supportive.. i don't know what i'd have done without you guys and Old Airport Rd FC beancurd. [it is so good to the point that no one took pictures because we all just wanted to eat.]

and despite all the reassurances i receive and am grateful for, a big part of me is still very upset with myself for letting everyone down.

i cannot fail again.

545

2011-08-01T01:03:00.004+08:00

so someone reminded me that i should make a holy list of things i want to eat before i leave:

BEANCURD, OLD AIRPORT ROAD -insert unseemly row of exclamation marks and ones-
Baikohken ramen
Nantsuttei ramen
Song Fa ba kut teh
laksa
curry fish head
kway chap
wanton mee
hokkien mee
fried carrot cake
wagyu - a pure unadulterated slab of steak. STEAK.

suddenly it feels like i won't have enough time. D:

544

2011-07-31T19:22:00.003+08:00

my friends and i had a theory while at Old Airport Rd Food Center the other day:

that maybe the reason why now most of the food we eat are just reasonably tasty to us and not fantastically delicious is because we've been fed that standard of food for most of our lives, that our stomachs have been conditioned to accept this level of awesomeness as 'average' and now we can only detect it if it's below the usual quality.

it's plausible, right? :D

I WANT OLD AIRPORT ROAD BEANCURD!
my cravings are spilling all over any social network on the internet that i'm wedged into. :c

543

2011-07-20T00:31:00.000+08:00

"when you have to face the world by yourself, your views toward life will change."

-ergo proxy

542

2011-07-17T22:00:00.004+08:00

HOPE YOU ALL HAD FUN.
birthday boy especially. commissioning and birthday!
-throws confetti-

541

2011-07-14T00:10:00.001+08:00

happy birthday ym :]
have an awesome 21st!

540

2011-07-12T22:37:00.003+08:00

what i thought would be a good week, only lasted for the whole of Monday.

today, yeah we had the loveliest weather, and then, jibaboom. one piece of news after the other comes crashing on me, dissipating any happy bubbles. thanks, life. thanks a lot.

just the thought of not being able to go, being left behind gives me a lump in my throat. i have never wanted anything so badly, even if it meant sacrificing a lot of things. i have turned down job interviews, cancelled a class (my kids! sob), and was so ready to just get out of this pool of stagnation that i have been wallowing in for a while. for this one chance.

but now..

it looks like things can't change no matter how hard i try.

539

2011-07-10T12:14:00.003+08:00

so the other day, my friends wanted to try this place at Iluma called Ramen Champion. i personally am pretty doubtful of any place that has the words "ramen" and "champion" as their name, and especially if they just took over the overpriced and ridiculously-named place with the damn stupid ninjas on the rooftop, but i figured i should give it a shot.

three words: WASTE. OF. TASTEBUDS.

had the Gantetsu Ramen, because it hailed to be from Sapporo (butter and corn!) and it was tragic. the very yellow noodles weren't even cooked properly, some parts were still hard and stuck together. the soup was unimpressionable, the charshuu had freaking CARTILAGE, and it was just.. miserable.

at one point we were wondering if they had just picked japanese expats off the streets and hired them to just stand around the kitchen for authenticity's sake. "hey look, we have japanese people at the kitchen! our ramen is definitely japanese!"
not when your japanese keeps talking on his cell phone, occasionally flipping some noodles while your chinese nationals do the real work.
the whole place was trying so hard, trying too hard? with their energetic greetings and going with the whole Marche card concept, but there will be flaws in such a system especially if your staff isn't alert. when i went to get beverages, the two Malay girls at the station kept distracting each other to the point where they evidently forgot to charge my card for the drinks. their loss hurhur.

i'm a ramen nazi, so i might be overly harsh, but seriously, for the price and portion and standard, you can just pay a couple more dollars and go to Baikohken and Nantsuttei. do your tastebuds a favor.

538

2011-07-03T11:24:00.001+08:00

何か変わった。

537

2011-06-29T17:49:00.004+08:00

had lunch with Ange, discussing the pains of having a uterus, wishing the opposite gender had one so they could empathize, and trying to keep it together while mine rebelled violently.
walking back to the workplace, my body decided it had enough of uterus riots and blood loss and informed me by making me puke on the street outside the office. it was actually pleasant looking, as far as puddles of vomit go. this one was thick and round and yellow and filled with vegetables and might have passed for an uncooked okonomiyaki. [it was what used to be my rather expensive salad.]
but still, i do not like puking, much less in public.. so undignified, and by then i could barely stand up for more than 5 minutes. so i dragged myself up to the office, declared that i was going home, and on the way home in the cab, i threw up my beef goulash soup. damn.
managed to stumble home, and promptly dropped dead on the sofa, whining -literally whining- until i drifted off into oblivion for a couple of hours, and then everything was kinda fine again.

and how was your Wednesday?

536

2011-06-27T13:49:00.005+08:00

C.XI - probably the last local con i will attend for a while, and it was pretty fun. our table had several commission requests which kept us from boredom. there was also some guy who kept giving us free drinks hahaha. got to meet more new artists, swapped stuff and got some cool art. not a bad weekend :D

535

2011-06-21T22:38:00.006+08:00

hello world.

i'm back from my Korea vacation, it was pretty cool, despite the fact that it was a tour and i generally dislike tours especially if they're filled with typical kiasu Singaporeans.
we hit areas like Jeju-do, Daegu, Muju and Seoul. the scenery wasn't half bad- there was a wild, untamed feeling in the countryside that was different from Japan's orderly scenic views.. a mildly rustic and charmingly quaint atmosphere.
feeling pretty lazy so i won't go on much, the photos are here on Facebook if you want to get a look (friends only though)

a bunch of selcas:

rare shot of my dad acting cute omg:

AND NOW THERE'S A LINGERING VACATION CHILL MOOD HOW AM I GOING TO GO TO WORK

534

2011-06-11T21:16:00.003+08:00

cleaning out my hard disk when i stumbled upon my cache of photos, some from recent times, and some of the past. looking through the old pictures, looking at my old ~~and less than average~~ self, made me start reminiscing a little.

if the you of 2011 could say something to the you of 2007, what would it be?

there are lots of things i would want to talk to her about - the future she will go through, the happiness she'll find, the people'll she meet, the sadness she'll receive.
but more than anything, i would ask her to trust her gut feeling. to do what she feels was right at the time. to not be so stupid and naive. to be nicer to the people who really needed it.

files deleted.

533

2011-06-10T23:54:00.002+08:00

that tingly feeling you get, when your skin just feels hypersensitive, all the epidermal cells quivering..

i love that feeling, even if it usually means i'm going to come down with a fever.

and eew there's a crater on my face

532

2011-06-03T23:30:00.005+08:00

i had no idea i was so terrified of going again until my mother practically ordered me to because she thought i wasn't paying enough attention and just giving up halfway.

then i went into my room and just.. :'C

and accidentally, i somehow received comfort from an unlikely source. makes me feel like maybe i have a shot at this. maybe.

531

2011-05-28T20:17:00.003+08:00

"damn jialat leh"

"how to pass like that"

"i think need to postpone test date, fail already"

"immediate fail"

"even M who didn't drive for 2 months is driving better than you"

"i think my car won't come back from the test, you and the tester will come back in a taxi, and i will go in a taxi to my car remains"

"i cannot help you already, better do something about yourself"

i'm sorry i suck so bad, that i don't have any hand-eye-foot coordination whatsoever, that i am so blur all the time, that i'm hopeless, that i'm a failure.

:'C

530

2011-05-28T00:59:00.002+08:00

packages.

my god just look at that packaging.

more wonderful freebies /drool

it is so very tormenting, when something so wonderful is right there within reach - and you have to let it go, because you know it's simply impossible for you to hold on to it.
as much, as badly as you want it, you have to settle for second best, because of the limitations your world contains.

529

2011-05-27T00:05:00.003+08:00

bawling.
in the shower, so i couldn't even tell if those were tears, snot or water running down my face.

the worst kind of feeling you can possibly get, knowing that someone you love and is doing everything for, has that much faith in you.

528

2011-05-25T16:59:00.002+08:00

you know how a deer feels when it's caught in the headlights, staring frozen at the car roaring towards it at 120kmph, ready to run it over and splatter its innards all over the road?
no?
well, i do.
i've had that feeling several times in my life. almost every time, was during an interview for something or other. and today happened to be one of them, and quite possibly one of the most important ones i've ever had.
everything, anything i'd vaguely rehearsed in my head vanished, poofed into mental Koko Krunch when i walked into the interview room and basically got steamrolled. i was stuttering, stumbling, and talking at the speed of machine gunfire at the same time. how that is even possible, i don't even know.
of course, everything and anything that was coherent and intellectual-sounding only came swaggering back into my mind after gallivanting away on unicorns during the most crucial time. by then, i was halfway home and mentally beating myself senseless. i suspect the people around me were edging as far as away as they could from this crazy girl with a murderous look.
then again, i'm probably being melodramatic, and it most likely wasn't half as bad as i made it out to be. but it felt that way to me.
i'm kind of excessive in the sense that if i get upset, it's not mildly, it's extremely.
oh well.
excuse me while i go scream into a nearby pillow now.

527

2011-05-23T11:32:00.003+08:00

whoa ho i can be so emotional sometimes.

despite everything that was said, the next day will just be brighter, and it's all just forgiven and forgotten.

that kind of love.

526

2011-05-22T13:56:00.004+08:00

i am so tired of being misunderstood all the time. every little thing i do or say that doesn't really mean anything, not to me anyways, triggers off some antagonistic reaction that leaves me wondering, what should i NOT do to stop agitating you?

it's not that you don't care - you hear me, but you've never really listened to what i actually mean. you take what i say at face value and decide from there if it was offensive and just jump the gun. you never stopped to consider, why do i say or do things the way i do?

i'm going to break if i continue biting my tongue. i don't retaliate, because even if i did, you would just get even more upset and angry that i'm talking back, which is why i never do. i let you say whatever you want, because even if i did try to explain myself, it wouldn't even get through to you.

there's too much heartache and heartbreak for me here right now, and i can't deal with it.
the tears can't stop flowing, and the void inside isn't going to be filled.

525

2011-05-21T22:59:00.006+08:00

i am apparently more affected by this than i thought i was, because a small part of me is still indignantly fuming, and i'm going to vent a little here.

there is ditching, and there is last minute ditching.

i can still be okay if people can't make it, and they tell me a day or two in advance, particularly if it's something that has been booked and paid for. that gives me time to find replacements or a solution. what i'm not okay with (read: upset/irate), is when people tell me they can't make it 2 hours before the damn event, especially if it's because of something that they should logically have known about in advance. but apparently logic isn't functioning very well in reality, because it happens, and i'm extremely annoyed about it.

a part of me is saying i should just let it go, don't let it get to me, but what i don't like is that this isn't probably the first time it has happened, and i feel like it's justified for me to be really ticked off about it.
to me, it's like saying, i said okay 2 days ago but actually i'm going to ditch like 2 hours before and it'll be fine and i'm not paying for it anyways and you can always organize something again and maybe i'll go.
wow. thanks for taking what i do for granted.
you're giving me this really great impression of how unreliable you are, and if you dare ask me the next time i see you which will be like hardly ever anyways why i never ask you to join us, you're asking for it.

asshat.

524

2011-05-12T15:09:00.000+08:00

so, i guess it's official when my dad started talking about making lists on stuff to bring and contacts to get in touch with over there.

omg it's really happening.

523

2011-05-09T17:05:00.004+08:00

i love when i lie on my bed and i see nothing but sky from my window
and for a while, even for just a little while, i feel like the world is perfect.

522

2011-05-04T15:12:00.005+08:00

well, there hasn't been this much hype about local politics since, well, since as far as i remember. the local politics scene was a rare topic in my house, maybe because up until a few months ago before we moved, we were under Tanjong Pagar GRC aka the practically untouchable area. i don't recall my mother ever having to vote at all.

my vocabulary is dusty and i don't write as eloquently or as long as some of my friends have on this topic, but here's my 0.02 worth anyways, without much fancy words. also note that i'm not pro-opposition. i'm pro-me, if you want.

the people who used to mutter in coffeeshops are now declaring their opinions on the Internet, safe behind their anonymity. one news report referred to this as a "passive resistance". we don't go on strike or riot in reality, but we're certainly parading our dissent online. there is a growing awareness and opinion on the current government system and recent policies, and i think it's clear to a lot of people that there are many things that are going downhill.
it's nice to see how the upcoming generation of singaporeans aren't as politically apathetic as some feared we would become, but at the same time there are also concerns that people are going pro-opposition for the sake of going against the current ruling party, and not because of the opposition's proposals. some of which are reasonable, and some of which are downright lunacy. i won't specify what though.
granted, there have been mistakes made, and we need a government which can be accountable and credible to the people. i do agree that there has to be change, or it's only going to stagnate and degenerate from hereon. but not an upheaval. the presence of an opposition does keep the party in check, "slap the driver when he falls asleep", if you will.
it's highly unlikely that there will be a lot of opposition candidates voted in at the end, but at the same time i certainly wouldn't want an 87-0 result in favor of the ruling party. that would suck.
despite their cries of "the government will weaken if you vote opposition in" and "opposition party's hidden agendas", i think people aren't that stupid now. probably the biggest thing ticking everyone off is their ridiculously high salaries. i don't get that either.
yes, there are some good people in parliament, but i think there are also some who need a good wake-up call. starting with pay cuts. and some who don't deserve to enter parliament at all cough Kate Spade cough.
the results of this GE will definitely be the beginning of something. something new, or the end of us all, it's for everyone to decide.
change is for certain, and it will happen, gradually.

and i guess all i can say is, at the end of the day, use our common sense.
be a discerning voter, and do what's right by your conscience.

edit: so my mother was wondering why we hadn't gotten our poll cards, and she called the hotline. it turns out that you'll be sent your poll cards for the respective GRCs as of 1st Jan 2011, and we were still in Tanjong Pagar GRC back then.. well no contest there. and i was not yet of voting age then, so it's a no show for me this year either. wow.

521

2011-05-02T01:21:00.006+08:00

"Always sharing with that someone is generosity. Always having that someone on your mind is obsession. Always putting up with that someone is patience. Being able to accept that someone's flaws is adaptation. Dying for someone is rashness.
How then, do you define love?"

something i saw on a friend's blog, which i don't think i can disagree with, but not in the context of family love of course. i am not familiar with the idea of 'love'; to me it is something that has yet to prove its existence.

when we were studying Literature - Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, something stuck about Duke Orsino and his state of not actually being in love, but in love with the idea of being in love, and this can probably be applied to a lot of people nowadays.

how do you know you really like a person for who they are, and not just because you want to be in a state of liking someone, anyone? is it enough to just know what they like, to pursue similar interests, to always try to placate and humor them, all the while hoping that they will turn this way, without ever realizing that you aren't really trying to understand them, the darker parts of their lives, smearing away their flaws in your idealistic visions?

i don't know, you tell me.

note that i'm in a rather erratic state of mind right now probably because my immune system is fighting off what seems to be flu symptoms and this is NOT the best week to fall ill and i'll wake up going WHAT THE SHIT DID I WRITE THIS CRAP but whatever

520

2011-04-29T13:14:00.000+08:00

everything is just a vicious cycle.

cue Circle of Life bgm

519

2011-04-28T10:46:00.001+08:00

today, i woke up literally sobbing.

i don't really remember what my dream was about, but i do remember vividly the immense feeling of betrayal lingering when i was thrust back into reality, staring blindly up at the dark ceiling while i tried to stop the hurt in my chest and the tears from running.

518

2011-04-24T00:01:00.003+08:00

today wasn't a bad day.

driving sucked less today, i didnt get yelled at, we were taking it nice and slow, hardly any panicky moments. i gotta keep this up.

also went to cycle after that because i haven't in a gajillion years. 14km from Tampines to East Coast! crazy for me, but it felt good. my butt is still sore as anything, but it's a good kind of pain i guess. wholesome weekend ftw.

517

2011-04-22T00:35:00.003+08:00

why can't i freaking drive properly?! there's no reason why i can't, but i just.. can't. UGH.
i don't know what's my problem, i just freeze when i see oncoming headlights, and i completely lose it and freak out internally.
at this rate i swear i'm going to gain a phobia/trauma of road junctions.
sucks to feel so stupid.
tempted at times to just go for a 3A license, but there wouldn't be much point if Class 3 is so much more worth it in the long run. and i seriously need to level up my hand eye leg limb coordination.

:C

516

2011-04-20T14:41:00.003+08:00

views on adultery came up recently in a conversation i had - sensitive topic i know.
i didn't have a lot to say at that time, because i have never had to discuss it, and i wouldn't know what it's like. but later, i had time to think about it, and how it affects people.

to me, extramarital affairs are one of the worst things you can ever do as a human being. committing adultery is a complete and utter betrayal of your spouse and your family, no matter what the reason may be. those vows you took years ago don't mean shit.
if you say you love him/her, there's no justification for what you did.
love? you obviously didn't love them, weren't thinking of them when you did what you did.
this would be one of the hardest things to forgive if it ever did happen, if you could even find forgiveness in you.
and how does a family pick up the pieces after that? how do you face your children and your spouse with that guilt and shame?

i just hope this will never happen to me, because i wouldn't know what to do.

515

2011-04-16T00:30:00.006+08:00

i was refraining from blogging about work this week, because i felt like it would have been too hasty to whine based on first impressions and whatnot like i kinda tend to do hurhur.

but damn, this was one hell of a week.

the guys from the dutch game co we were collaborating(ish) with came over - mr senior game designer D and mr senior programmer I. super funny dutch dudes. i didnt know what to expect, but certainly not this. all this while, i had been communicating through email, and it got so monotonous that sometimes i suspected it was an AI replying me. but hey, turns out now i can match faces to those unfamiliar European names!
we had a 1 week sprint, just to see what we could do, and i guess we did more than they expected. i finished most of my stuff, and the rest did pretty good too, seeing as how it was their first time with SCRUM and stuff. i had almost forgotten what production mode felt like - AWESOME. i guess i'd been feeling so dead and useless the past 3 months because i wasn't being productive! -beams-
I and D were only here for a week, but it felt like they were the catalyst we needed to break the ice and get things going. before this, we had a week to get to know each other, and it was.. awkward. for me at least. but they came along and just, pop, everybody's laughing and closer and the atmosphere was really nice.
well there are some other issues, but.. whatever. minor. nothing i can't handle. i hope.
i hope the rest of the production weeks go as well as they did the past 5 days. -pumps fist-

and i have seen your face, mr 92 halftone eyes. i now know who to voodoo.

oh and here's a photo of I and D eating Murtabak:

514

2011-04-11T23:51:00.003+08:00

with the rise of social media channels, it feels like people are taking their friends for granted because they think they can "connect" with them anytime.. feels like it's making people more impersonal and casual.
i'm not even putting really serious status updates there anymore, just happy casual ones.
nope, i'm keeping my angst somewhere else, thank you very much.
and this blog is for that gray area in between, where i want to talk about stuff that are kinda personal but not deep dark secrets that i don't want to bloody announce to the whole world. just the people who can still remember this place, the people who still read what i say, the people who still care.

don't mind me, i'm just in a bit of an emao mood.

513

2011-04-10T16:47:00.003+08:00

i'm so active on Blogger today, go me!

some outtakes from SOY'C. lots of unfamiliar new faces.
our booth is looking awesome as usual. 2 tables this time, we had a DS challenge thing - you could only play MarioKart against Zak and inevitably get trashed; we also had this sketch commish thing for the japan relief fund. that earned quite a bit for charity.

i kept forgetting to take photos of the commission sketches we did, but here's one.

Mel's Ghost Trick postcards.

Zak's MonHun postcards.

my Ghibli and STAR DRIVER prints. i was a bit worried as this was my first try at print sales, and i wasn't sure how the response would be. turned out okay in the end, so yey.

One Piece fanbadges. i would say the reaction was pretty good, but because of my own estimation failure, there wasn't enough badges for the more popular characters like Luffy and Ace and there were excess badges for other characters. like stupid Nami. cost price wasn't that low either, so not much gained either way. nice to see the glee and recognition on people when they see them though. hahaha.

512

2011-04-10T14:43:00.002+08:00

ATTACK OF THE リラックマ

511

2011-04-10T00:23:00.002+08:00

artbooks coming out of hibernation in brown boxes to live in holy white shelves.

510

2011-04-06T10:40:00.004+08:00

BE STILL MY HEART.

click click.

509

2011-04-01T19:46:00.004+08:00

fail april fool's day. scared dav half to death i think, and it was no joke. D:
ugh those weird symptoms that have been popping up recently happened again.
it was the same when i went running, and at ange's. one min i'll be feeling fine, and the next, i suddenly get overcome by a wave of dizziness, these crazy spots dot my vision, my cramps take it to the next level, and i can't stand at all.
this one was the worst so far, because i was in a public area and there wasn't anywhere to rest. and just walking to the cab stand made me throw up. well i threw up nothing, since i couldn't even eat [my god a whole uneaten plate of rosti can you imagine] but it was kinda gross to since it was just water and stuff. okay i won't go into the graphic details.
i ended up ditching lunch for an hour to just sit on the deck outside Marche - yes you know the distance between the toilet and Marche? i couldn't even walk in, just slumped there outside while people walking past looked at me like i'm crazy.
i felt really bad though, since dav just booked out and was like sitting inside panicking. he had to eat his salmon rosti in 5 min after i emerged looking like shit so i could go to the doctor's, and even had to go around with me while i went to the doc's [which was closed, and then i had to try another one] and sent me home first too. aaaahh i feel really guilty and awful about today and worrying dav and debbie like that. but thank you anyways, i owe you big. D:
all the doctor had to say was that i was lacking iron.. which is good i guess, that it wasn't something major. gotta eat more spinach and liver and apples now.

508

2011-03-26T00:07:00.003+08:00

so i was ranting to Friend A a couple minutes ago.
there doesn't seem to be a lot of people i can talk to nowadays, everyone seems to be busy with their own lives, which is true i guess. the working people (aka the girls) and the NSF (aka the guys). and seeing how there's usually only one other person i can bitch to about work (during work)..
not to say that i can't rant to other people, of course, but it's usually the ones who're already going through/have been through that can really empathize. example; i am completely lost when the guys dive into some conversation littered generously with NS lingo. it's amusing to listen to, but i will never fully understand it, and i'm glad i never will get to.
but on the other hand, it's like listening to an inside joke, and not being inside. maybe it's the same for the reverse, i suppose it is. there are people on Facebook who probably wouldn't get what half of my status updates refer to, and i don't expect them to. and recent attempts to get everyone to see each other's faces for a while haven't been succeeding.. all talk and nothing actually happens, what a joke. i think i must be a horrible planner. ._____.

aaaand i need to wake up at 6.30am tomorrow for the stupid TOEFL test -seriously, we're in SINGAPORE AND WE NEED TO TAKE AN ENGLISH PROFICIENCY TEST WOW- and the house brat is being a bitch because i'm tired and i freaking need to sleep so i don't fail a USD$195 test and i can't do something for her.
wow. what a way to ask for a favor. thanks a lot.

507

2011-03-25T23:34:00.004+08:00

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let go
And who knows I might feel better, yeah
If I don't try and I don't hope

sweet childhood song from a very talented quartet.

506

2011-03-17T23:45:00.003+08:00

the news are all over what's going down in Japan, i'm just glad my friends and relatives who are there are alive and safe.
a little part of me still can't believe this is happening to Japan. much of my life was heavily influenced with the aspects and culture spawned from that place, it has been the birthplace of magic and dreams for me since i was a little kid. stay strong, Japan. i know that you will rise again, like the sun you were named for.

it is so hard trying to finish personal work now when i'm working. it's true what the rabbid says, when you reach home brain dead at 8, working on art stuff is kind of the furthest thing from your mind. ;____;

in other news,
I NEED A BICYCLE.
WHO KNOWS WHERE'S THE NEAREST BICYCLE SHOP?

505

2011-03-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

have been at my school's graduation show for 2 days. sometimes i feel that all it takes is a little trip down memory lane to remember what it was like to feel inspired and young.

okay okay i'm not that old and far gone. but really, when i was there hanging out and checking out all the juniors' stuff, seeing fresh new styles struck me hard. i felt pretty recharged after that despite all my whining and shit thank you for putting up with all that crap, you know who you are. :]

most of my previous angst has been wiped clean now, it's the people listening patiently to my griping and grumbling who never fail to make me feel better and assure me that it's okay amidst disapproving looks. -laughs- if you haven't gathered yet from recent posts, i've been wavering on my commitments [yet] again. but i think it'll be alright now.

people can give me lots of advice, but it always boils down to: what do i want to do?

i can safely say that what i want to do right now, takes place on the other side of the world..
and that dream is dying slowly, when i come home and realize the implications and difficulties it presents for my family.
i'm sorry you guys, we may not be able to actualize the plan we always intended. :C

and in other non-related news, Japan has suffered a major earthquake and tsunami. i hope my relatives and friends there are safe and sound. :C

504

2011-03-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

Spruce, tucked away on Tanglin Road. very nice place to chill for brunch.
and a wonderful handmade card! thank you :]

503

2011-03-10T22:28:00.003+08:00

haha a couple hours after my previous post someone links me this. how thoughtful!
maybe it's a sign.. :B

502

2011-03-10T18:59:00.002+08:00

confused again, as always.

i don't know if i'm unhappy because this isn't what i'm meant to be doing, or if i'm just [hopefully] temporarily uncomfortable because i'm doing something that is not entirely familiar to me and i'm trying to get used to it.

i don't know myself sometimes, or what i want. i guess that's the point of life, to search for it.

501

2011-02-22T20:43:00.002+08:00

aah i have so many things to save for. our wants are infinite, INFINITE i tell you.

hello sky.

good morning world.

blue skies in Compassvale. and no that's not my block.

500

2011-02-19T14:36:00.001+08:00

and the 500th post will be dedicated to my Olly in all its newly skinned glory. *A*

499

2011-02-13T23:15:00.003+08:00

you guys were awesome and i love you all.
i hope everyone had fun, cuz i know i did. 8D

498

2011-02-11T00:25:00.003+08:00

sneak peek..
:]

497

2011-02-06T23:12:00.003+08:00

i had initially written quite a bit on the party, but i don't think i shall post that here.
suffice to say, the abridged version is that after a conversation with a friend with regards to Saturday, the "entrance fee" is looking like a bad idea after all.
i know various people have different interpretations of "party", but that doesn't mean that i'm going to stick to one definition just because some people think it's "cool" and that the others are "lame", "boring", etc. a party is an event where people can have fun, and i want that for everyone.. is it wrong for me to feel that way?

-glares-

496

2011-02-04T00:27:00.002+08:00

it's the first day of the lunar new year!
i need to get started on that rabbit piece soon.. when i eventually unearth my tablet from the stacks of cartons.. and get my desktop up and running.. and my new table.. and chair..
the entire process will probably take a couple of weeks. feels like it'll be really fast, but for now it's agonizingly slow.

495

2011-01-31T23:33:00.003+08:00

saying goodbye wasn't as hard as i had imagined it to be.
dead calm inside, a sense of surrealism, numbing even. it was like as if i would wake up the next day and we would go back to that place like everything had been a dream. my dad still presses the third floor button when we enter the elevator at our new place, haha. old habits die hard.

even though i can never return, the memories i have of this house won't fade.

494

2011-01-28T22:40:00.004+08:00

it's the end of january! lots of things happening, like my family's first uprooting since my existence came into being, and my first pay coming in from my job coming in. whoohoo.

moving is probably the biggest thing that has happened to us so far, exciting life i know. that, and winning the lottery, but that hasn't happened yet. i'm waiting..

my current job is probably not the best dream job in some people's opinion my god what on earth are you doing in a startup that isn't even in our industry oh such blasphemy but hey, it pays my bills, and allows me enough freedom to work on my own stuff. that's really important to me. money and doing what i want. :D
also, one good thing is that i don't hate it [yet], which is a vast step from previous work. the people at my workplace are really nice and awesome [except for the people next door, whom i have started to evil-eye at], and i feel like the baby of the company. well i literally am, but everyone still kinda treats me like a kid. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. maybe it's because i'm like an alien, seeing as they're all in the business/marketing/sales industry and i'm from this faraway planet called digital media design. when we're having meetings, they jabber away in business jargon [and sometimes literally in a foreign language], and i end up sitting there trying to wrap my head around everything. also, they seem to have a misconception that adding a 'designer' to my role means i become a print designer, game designer, and graphic designer in one. that's going to change soon i hope.

a couple days back, my boss asked me how i felt about a certain soup cafe, how i'd rate it out of ten. i responded with 'ten', and he was mildly surprised that i was so enthusiastic about it, haha. turns out they're going to be one of our clients! not exactly my concern, but i'm happy anyways. got to meet the three brains behind it and hear some background stories, so it was pretty cool. one other client we might have is a certain burger joint that is pretty damn good. hurhurhur.

and so i ended my last work week of january at page one, ogling at the lomos and just absorbing the awesome aura that only rows of bookshelves stuffed with design books can give you. there is something just so fantastic about gliding past rows of design books, trailing your gaze over the spines, head giddy in trepidation of hidden treasures you might discover.
awesome, really.

i shall stop here, partly because i'm tired i have no idea why i've been so tired the past week and partly because i'm going to play some Adventure Time. peace out.

493

2011-01-23T13:00:00.001+08:00

january, 2011 can be pretty much summed up by this.

492

2011-01-22T01:53:00.009+08:00

so my dad was clearing out the storeroom, and he came across a clear hollow acrylic tube from back in the days when i was hobby experimenting with Finny. the inner DIY hardware persona in him activated. "this could be useful." he muttered. my mother and i instantly replied, "what for?" and gave him weird looks.

China generally tends to cluster shops selling the same things in the same area. so you have whole districts selling buttons, or door hinges, or woks etc. so there was this one time we were driving through an area which had all the raw materials you needed to make an office chair, and my mother turned to us: "why are they all selling metal starfish?"

hahahaha silly parents.

and as of this point in life, i have more hardware product knowledge than cooking skills. i can probably change drill bits in a Bosch hammer drill, but i have no idea how to cook a fish.

also, i can now say enjoy your evening in German and greet people in Swedish.

491

2011-01-16T22:03:00.002+08:00

sometimes, when i open up a new canvas in PS and start working on something new, i can't help but feel like, god, painting is the best thing ever. it's the most exhilarating feeling i get in my life. what about you?

490

2011-01-10T19:12:00.002+08:00

please please please screen this in singapore please.
i am so addicted to the song [it happens to be the ED for Redline].

489

2011-01-09T18:28:00.003+08:00

hello Ippudo, goodbye Ippudo.
the love of my ramen life still remains Baikohken.

488

2011-01-07T23:51:00.003+08:00

Ichiban-Boshi/Kuriya Fish Market, Great World City. the sashimi was alright, Sakuraya still tops though. prices are decent, but i won't order the Wagyu beef bowl set again. not up to my personal expectations :B

Freshness Burger, NEX.
a burger chain from Japan. the burgers here are not bad, you can opt for thicker patties, and they don't serve fries, but cut potatoes from Hokkaido. and i love love love love the ambience. i think most people get turned off because the place looks classy [think Japanese-Western diner], BUT IT ISN'T.

487

2011-01-04T18:58:00.003+08:00

met up with a few old friends recently, makes me feel so nostalgic. just reminiscing about old times, prying into romantic history, exhanging the latest gossip, finding out we were all secretly stalking/trolling the same persons on facebook, .. nice to know some things don't change. :D

i never thought i'd recover after The Soup Spoon removed their basil penne salad from the menu, but there was a rebound dish.. the caesar. i don't know how they can make it so good. alone time at this place is really good for thinking and sketching.

486

2011-01-03T00:24:00.002+08:00

forget Mulberry's Alexa, Proenza Schouler's PS1 IS NEXT.

485

2011-01-01T02:03:00.002+08:00

happy 2011 yall.

thank you all for being part of my 2010. the good, the bad and the ugly, everything that happened is an experience for me to learn from, even the ones i would really like to forget. without those, i wouldn't realize how horrid reality can be, and how much i can appreciate and gain from the shit i go through.

this year is gonna be a special year for me, for everyone born in my year. heck, every year is special, this year is EXTRA SPECIAL AND YOU KNOW WHY. 8D

i have a list of resolutions for this year as usual, but as usual i don't think i'll mention them. kind of troublesome to have public expectations. also, i kinda thought them up on the spot.

484

2010-12-31T10:53:00.002+08:00

okay maybe some people think i'm too old to be afraid of nightmares, but this one really takes the cake. i seriously woke up at the climax and cried. .____.

what makes me so scared, wasn't that it was some supernatural crap you see in the movies. this was so real. so unbelievably, alarmingly, real. so scared, i didn't dare to leave the room for a while because half of me was still in that horror and i was so afraid that if i went out, i would find out that it was reality.

i want to forget, but i have this small morbid fear now that if i forget, it might happen and i wouldn't realize until it was too late.

..happy new years' eve to me.

483

2010-12-29T13:54:00.002+08:00

something i've noticed, our generation doesn't seem to take punctuality seriously. before i go into rant-mode, let me just state for the record that i'm not judging anyone, and i'm not directing this to anyone in particular. if anything, i'm guilty of this as well.

my mother is probably the most conscientious person i know. regardless of the appointment's level of urgency, i have never really recalled her being late for anything. i wonder why i don't have her genes for this sometimes.

of course, i think most people know the severity of tardiness in the workplace (unless they're looking to be fired), and i'm not going to really touch that area of focus. it's more of social appointments that i'm looking at, movies, lunch, dinner, just hitting town etc. somehow, even if we do set a time to meet, we always end up adding 30 minutes, an hour to that time. the mentality of "oh, the others will be late too anyways so it doesn't matter if i'm late" is something a lot of people seem to have, myself included as well.

why do we think like that? when we're on the other end, in the position of waiting for the ones who are late, we might be frustrated, upset, a little angry, but it's not like we can express our disapproval, we'd just look like hypocrites. we know we have no right to be anal about it, because we're culpable of the same thing. so in the end all we can do is just smile and forget about it, and the cycle will continue.

i think one of my resolutions for the new year will to be on time for anything and everything. maybe some people might laugh at that and think it's lame, but wouldn't it be good if everyone was early/punctual for what we wanted to do? less time wasted waiting means more time to hang out. statistics have shown we spend 1/3 of our lives waiting after all. shouldn't we try to reduce that?

482

2010-12-25T16:38:00.008+08:00

merry christmas people.

my house is in a state of disarray now, cartons everywhere. moving is such a hassle.. but we gotta do it. i'm just kinda worried.. why does it have to be Feb of all the months? i won't be able to do much because we'll be in temporary lodgings and it'll be a somewhat uncomfortable 30 days or so. so tempted to stay out as much as i can during that period.

i will be very much looking forward to the day we can finally settle into our new place. no more uprooting, hopefully.

and if you haven't gotten the chance to catch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2010-2011, please do yourself a favor and watch it. such a visual feast as always, and their themes and designs are always so inspiring. how can one be so creative about a lingerie show?

also, how can a VS model's secret indulgence be chocolate, everyday?!

481

2010-12-19T03:35:00.002+08:00

leaving for Guangzhou in a couple of hours. gaah

480

2010-12-18T00:53:00.003+08:00

sometimes i think i can live with you,

sometimes i want to just shove you down a pit of anacondas and barbed wire and point and laugh maniacally like the evil bitch i know i am.

actually, maybe that's most times.

479

2010-12-18T00:08:00.001+08:00

just back from Bangkok. awesome trip with awesome friends. leaving for GZ on Sunday. 6am flight, with an average of 9 degrees over there. wish me luck.

478

2010-12-13T01:08:00.003+08:00

gruesome baking.

complete with whining, violent mixing and exclamations of "oshit!"

what will be the grisly outcome?..

477

2010-12-04T13:08:00.001+08:00

CUTE RIGHT CUTE RIGHT.

it's december. season of giving, but i am superfreakingbroke.

475

2010-11-29T11:46:00.003+08:00

*____*

someday.

475

2010-11-28T01:37:00.004+08:00

SITEX today, packed like crap.

very subtle hint:
WALLMOUNTED TVS ARE THE FUTURE.

-stares-

474

2010-11-24T13:56:00.008+08:00

i hate reaching stagnant plateaus in life. no visible progress makes me really frustrated. i feel like i'm waiting for a sign, but i don't know when it'll come, or even if it'll come. i know that i'll have to make a choice soon, but i still have no idea which way to go.

or rather, it's not like i don't know which way to go; i'm torn between doing what i would really like to do halfway across the world, versus staying put and slogging it out for a while. and if i decide to go for it, the what next? question draws a blank.
frankly, i don't know.. it's always been gut telling me to just go get 'em, doing what feels right to me. but what feels right to me may not seem right to the rest of the world, and i don't want to let people in my life down by the choices i've made.
someone told me that it's better to be happy doing the things you love, even if people can't understand that, rather than trying to live up to other people's expectations and suffering in silence and regret. okay not literally those words, but the gist of it i guess.. and that makes sense to me.
more than anything, i want to be happy doing the things i like to do.

of course, i know that this is just me being mostly idealistic and naive. if we could all go with the flow and do something we like, the world wouldn't be so full of shit right now. reality is a cold bucket of ice in your face, and i recognize that not everything in life will be able to go the way i would like, but i guess it's something to work towards - happiness.

473

2010-11-08T15:50:00.005+08:00

tired. just so, very, tired.
is this going to be just another cycle? start, struggle, stop, repeat.
is this what they call reality? the washing machine of life.

これをしたくない。何かがする。

上に行かなければならない。

472

2010-11-02T16:14:00.001+08:00

Tonkutsu Ramen! -flavored instant noodles. hahaha. not bad though.

471

2010-10-22T11:18:00.003+08:00

today's the day. i swear.

and and and and EYESHIELD 21 IS SO SUPER AWESOME AAAAHHHHH /SPAZZ

i don't expect people to understand the reasons behind my actions.
it's just my way of doing things i guess. if you don't ask, i'm not telling.
and even if you do ask.. i might not reply. /shrug

470

2010-10-08T23:45:00.007+08:00

YES THE WEEK IS OVERRRR.
i am embracing the weekends with open arms. daytime feels so precious now hahaha.
conclusion after this 5 days?
working at home is definitely best for freelance.. not fulltime. it's so hard to just stay put at home alone all day, your mind starts to go a little nuts i think, without anyone to talk to. sure, the boss is online and all and i'm supposed to send him a screenshot regularly, but it gradually becomes a pain to just stop the momentum of what you're doing. and talking on Skype is such a hassle. i don't see what the problem is with typing. but oh well, i chose to do this, it's too early for me to say 'i quit' yet, so i guess i'll stick around for a bit and see how things work out.
i really really want to go freelance, ..

in other news, i've finished Gundam 00 S1! took me 2 days gahaha. yeah i might be crazy but i like to finish it all in one shot. i'd die of suspense if i could only watch a little a day. now waiting for S2! whoohoo. that's the biggest thing i'm anticipating in my daily routine now, waiting for new stuff to watch, exciting i know right.
00 is seriously depressing. okay it's not as horrible as Seed/Seed Destiny -that was some real angst going on in there- but, oh man. of all the characters, why do the nice ones get killed off first?! it's always the nice guys, damn it.

i was just doing this random game meme when i suddenly remembered Shadow Hearts Covenant. never actually finished it, but it's got good memories for me haha. i was so into it back when the graphic stage was still like that! liked the gameplay though, it was kinda unusual for an RPG.

469

2010-10-05T23:57:00.003+08:00

this person is crazy.
BUT I LAIK.
in that photo, i only have 1 item.
yes, it's the smallest Rilakkuma.
i wouldn't mind the big.. fat.. huggly.. one. *__*

468

2010-10-03T00:21:00.003+08:00

Tyler Ward is amazing.

467

2010-10-02T00:09:00.002+08:00

starting work in a couple of days, pretty nervous.
i hope i can have the self-discipline i need to work from home.

despite the fact that i still want to play, and i really really want to go back to school. RISD? AAU?
because school's fun! gahahahahahahahahahahahaha